My Journal

Just you and me, and the galaxy

2009-12-27T08:13:21Z

I've been thinking really hard about a little though experiment.

Here's the scenario: You find yourself somewhere in the Milky Way galaxy. Nevermind how you got yourself there, you just are. Some friendly aliens have picked you up and are willing to take you back home... but they do not speak English, nor any aural language. They have provided you with a 3D holographic map of the Galaxy that you can fly through virtually, as well as a catalog of almost all 400 billion stars and celestial objects (but not so much planets. That's why they're tooling around the galaxy.) It has an intuitive interface but you are severely limited by the language barrier. You can't filter out, say, Red Giants unless you are really good at playing charades with a species that has no concept of human body language.

The question is: how do you find Earth? What would you know off the top of your head that would serve as easily understandable points of reference? What is the most important thing to remember in order to find the Sun?

I think I could do it. The first thing I'd find is the Magellanic clouds- two dwarf galaxies that orbit the Milky Way. This would tell me which side of the galaxy to focus on. I know we're not near the very center or the very edge. So those deductions narrow me down to a 20,000 lightyear swath.

Here's where it gets tricky. My best bet of finding Earth and getting the aliens to understand what I'm talking about is to find pulsars. But I only know of one (the crab nebula) and I don't know how far away it is off the top of my head. But I do know it is very young, and will still have a nebula around it.

The only other thing that comes to mind is constellations. However, constellations tend to be completely unrecognizable once you get a few light years away from the Earth... except for the Big Dipper. Those stars really are in that formation. So are the Pleiades. It might be a long shot, but if you could find the Big Dipper, and travel around until you see the stars that make up Orion converge. If that worked it'd get you right to the front door of the Solar system.

Assuming that didn't work, nebulae would be my fallback. The Horse Head Nebula in Orion is very distinctive. So you could just check out all nebulae in that 20,000ly swath, find Orion, and find Sol.

Kinda wish I could test this out. Google Earth can only see from the Earth's perspective.

johnforster @ 2009-12-14T22:42:00

2009-12-15T05:42:39Z

Hey, 2009 isn't over yet, but I figured I'd guess what will be featured at next year's Oscars... or more specifically, what I WANT to be featured. You know the drill.

Best Picture
The Hurt Locker

Animated Feature Film
The Fantastic Mr. Fox
or
Coraline

Actor in a Leading Role
Jackie Earle Haley for Watchmen

Actress in a Leading Role
Meryl Streep. For Julie & Julia.

Director
Quentin Tarantino for Inglorious Basterds

Visual Effects
Industrial Light and Magic for Star Trek
or
Image Engine for District 9

Sound Mixing
Ben Burtt for Star Trek

Music (Score)
Michael Giacchino for Star Trek
or
Bruno Coulais for Coraline

Of course, none of these will probably make it onto the actual list. Unfortunately Oscar bait tends to work, so expect a lot of praise over Emilia. :/

I don't see Pixar winning anything this year, even though there wasn't anything particularly wrong with Up. Coraline and Fantastic Mr. Fox were just better movies in every way. Coraline is also the only movie that has used 3D as an aesthetic instead of a marketing gimmick. So I think it should win based on that achievement alone.

For best picture, yeah, Hurt Locker. Even though it lost focus halfway through it was a fucking good. Super suspenseful and not a typical "wah-wah war is hell" Iraq movie.

As for worst movie... for me, it's a toss-up between Transformers 2 and The Hangover.

Ask Dr. Helmig #34: "That's What You Sound Like"

2009-12-05T08:34:20Z

Don't forget to send your qvestions to helmig@weeklygeekshow.com

johnforster @ 2009-12-02T23:10:00

2009-12-03T06:12:23Z

Today my Geography teacher lectured us on black holes and particle physics. The purpose being to draw some parallels between this idea of a "singularity" (not the technological one) and some of the philosopher Heidegger's ideas. Which makes me think this professor typifies what happens when you have too much schooling and not enough education. He has a tenancy to drone on for an hour about postmodernist techno-babble and play for us a "really cool song" from his iTunes library.

I have serious problems with postmodernism. It's so often abused. A favorite tool of the below average to sound smarter than they actually are. I'm all for considering the nature of being and all that, but if you can't form a testable hypothesis, then it has no place in the real world. It's just metaphysics and metaphilosophy.

Furthermore, the professor is a bad teacher. This class is supposed to be about politics and societies, and we haven't learned much of either. Instead he makes tremendous stretches of logic to fit his own material into the curriculum. Our term paper was (and this is true) watch the movie The Matrix and explain how it relates to epistemology, power and modernity. Then last lecture we watch an episode of South Park for... I don't know why.

Anyway, the professor wrapped up today's lecture by saying: "...[referring to the Large Hadron Collider] scientists will never find the 'God Particle', because our universe is not particle-based. Reality can't be defined by a tangible object."

johnforster @ 2009-11-28T23:08:00

2009-11-29T06:09:35Z

Ask Dr. Helmig #33: "Makin' Bacon'"

2009-11-28T05:40:37Z

Don't forget to send your qvestions to helmig@weeklygeekshow.com

johnforster @ 2009-11-26T01:26:00

2009-11-26T08:28:01Z

Wow... I guess I have so little time to come up with updates for this thing.

Well here it goes. As you probably don't know, me and a couple of people started the CU Film Making club here on campus. Basically the idea was to have a institution where we could all just just make films without having to worry about academia getting in the way.

After 4 months I can safely say how horrible an idea this was.

See, there are a few reasons why that is. Number one is we all have different ideas on what is good, what is funny, and what is drama. I have a very quirky and spontaneous sense of humor, which gets crushed when I have to EXPLAIN and DEFEND my jokes EVERY FUCKING TWO SECONDS. Why should a ghost be just a guy in a sheet that makes beep and boop sounds and gives random hugs? I have no idea, it's just fucking hilarious.

Second, I'm a pretty enthusiastic guy. I like putting my ideas out there, and when I see a good idea, I stick with it. This has apparently made me Film Hitler who sends all other inferior ideas to Film Auschwitz. Heaven forbid somebody gets offended because every single on of their half-assed ideas isn't included.

All in all it's turning into a designed-by-committee crapfest. We're going to finish our first movie, Unsolved Ghosteries, early next month. And I think that'll be it for me. I just like making stuff by myself. Which is a shame, but there just isn't any other like-minded individuals who have the same enthusiasm I do.

This January I start my senior year (finally) and so I have to start worrying about the big G in December 2010. What I'm going to do after that is... disconcertingly vague. I know what my ultimate goal is: move to Los Angeles and get a job in the film industry. However what that job will be and how I'll get out there without dying may never be fully fleshed out. I'm not even sure if a BFA in Film Studies will get me anywhere except being the recipient of several stab wounds on Sunset Blvd.

Perhaps I worry too much. But I know of no other field that requires such a leap of faith. There is no film industry in Colorado, there is no clear way "in" to the industry, and LA is not a particularly nice place for somebody "just getting off the bus" so to speak. Whatever happens, 2011 will certainly be a very eventful year for me.

johnforster @ 2009-11-08T16:07:00

2009-11-08T23:08:42Z

I'm working on a film: "Unsolved Ghosteries." Written and directed by me. I also play the ghost.

johnforster @ 2009-11-02T23:39:00

2009-11-03T07:06:36Z

I have noticed that this journal is starting to fall by the wayside. I don't like that fact, as I see this journal as a valuable learning resource to slowly improve my writing skills. In the about 4 or 5 years I've written on here I've go from seeming like a slobbering retard to just a regular retard. Like one you could show off in front of a celebrity to make it seem like he or she cares.

Anyway, I want to continue this, but Facebook and Twitter seem to be better outlets for useless day-to-day information, funny videos, and just general social networking. Perhaps I lead a sheltered life, but nothing really happens in my day that requires more than 140 characters to describe... if at all.

So I'm going to change the focus here a little bit. I've noticed that I make little observations about human nature, the nature of being, and other philosophical concepts all the time. My inner monologue is very talkative, and maybe it would be nice to pin some of those conversations down and express them.

So, every once and awhile, I'll write a short essay about something. A topic from my own lonely, quasi-nihilistic perspective. An outsider looking in. Perhaps it'll be thought-provoking, pathetic, whatever. We'll see how it goes.

I'll probably write one later this week, since I am now unemployed and suddenly have freetime. Also a Dr. Helmig. Good lord am I falling behind on that.

Ask Dr. Helmig #32: "Vertically Challenged"

2009-10-04T05:03:41Z

Don't forget to send your qvestions to helmig@weeklygeekshow.com

Ask Dr. Helmig #31: "Specialties"

2009-09-27T18:05:38Z

Don't forget to send your qvestions to helmig@weeklygeekshow.com

johnforster @ 2009-09-27T01:53:00

2009-09-27T08:33:40Z

It's funny how my brain becomes obsessed when there's a problem to be solved.

Two months ago I bought a newer car. A Jeep Cherokee, just like my old one. But it was missing some nice features my old car had: cruise control, overhead console, and all-wheel drive.

I figured I could live with it. Just accepting that having no oil leaks or rattly interior was a good trade off. But, no. It turns out I really want those things. Not knowing the outside temperature is annoying, not having cruise control is annoying, and AWD is really nice to have when the streets are partially slick.

While I am very handy, I actually don't like playing mechanic. Nothing is more horrible or soul-sucking than working on a car. And I don't like retrofitting. I do it out of necessity, because I can't have something that's not perfect. So I find myself at the local junk yard scavenging parts and ripping out wiring harnesses from dead cars.

Well, after a month-long scavenger hunt, my car has cruise control and an overhead console. Hooray. I now know the outside temperature and the MPG (compass too.) I can now go on a trip and be rest assured that my knee isn't going to be destroyed by having it locked on an accelerator pedal for several hours.

That just leaves one more item on my to-do list: the all-wheel drive. This little upgrade entails swapping the transfer case- a gear box connected to the transmission that probably weighs around 80 pounds. It's held on by only 6 bolts, but I foresee a miserable afternoon in the dirt, under a car, and covered in grease. Casually swearing at the one bolt that is out of reach or stripped.

johnforster @ 2009-09-04T17:06:00

2009-09-04T23:36:20Z

Well I sold my old car this week. That was quite a sad moment. Me and that car have had some really great adventures... it's gonna be quite a daunting task to get to the same state with my new car.

Now, I know some of you will say "Oh ho ho, your new car will be just as good. A few road trips and you'll feel the same way."

No, listen... I bought that car when I was 18. That was my first car... my first taste of real freedom. And I took FULL advantage of that. I traveled hundreds of miles for no reason, chased tornados, explored the Rocky Mountains, explored California, explored Utah, nearly flipped it end-over-end in Moab, was stranded for a whole night in 10 feet of snow on some backcountry pass, and once even out-maneuvered the police. No, my friends. That car was no more a car than the starship Enterprise is a plastic model. It was an experience, a symbol. If only to me.

If I had money I would keep it, and maybe even restore it. But sadly I don't. And entropy being what it is, it was quickly becoming an unnecessary distraction from my college studies. So I sold it to a new family for $1400. Hopefully the "Mighty Mopar" will be just as good to them as it was to me. And, who knows, maybe produce a lengthy list of new adventures.

Estupido.

2009-08-30T04:06:11Z

First week of school is complete. The most notable of my new classes is Spanish. So my brain for the past week has resembled the following:

In other news, my little Filmmaking Club has been made official. We had a pretty good turn out for the foundation party on Friday, however there is an odd disparity in majors who attended. We had, like 3 film majors and 6 music composers showed up. This has me just a tad bit pissed-off. Other film majors, why the hell are you going to a film school if you don't want to make films in your free time? Stupid. If a math major can get interested and find the time then so can you.

Anyway, I have to attend a mandatory fundraising seminar next week to learn how to get people to give me money. Preferably lots of it. I have a film equipment shopping list that would make George Lucas cheese his pants.

johnforster @ 2009-08-10T21:44:00

2009-08-11T03:59:43Z

Well I got a new car. That was surprisingly quick. It's a 1998 Jeep Cherokee Sport. It was $3,650 and has 86,000 miles on it. Which is insane for a car this age. It is in very good condition. I lucked out.

There are of course some problems with it. One of the wheel bearings is bad (supposedly) and a few little minor problems here and there (like the power window switch doesn't work on the passenger side.) But all that could be fixed easily.

Other downsides are the transfer case isn't as nice as the one in my '91, and there's no cruise control! A modern car without cruise control! Oh, well. I'm pretty sure I can add it on later. It's not a complex system.

johnforster @ 2009-08-09T00:32:00

2009-08-09T07:29:24Z

Ugh. My vehicle is causing me great internal conflict.

He's the gist of it. I own an older Jeep Cherokee (1991.) It has been a fantastic car for me for the past 8 years. It has over 280,000 miles on it yet it runs better than most new cars. I wouldn't think twice about driving it to the ends of the Earth.

However, I'm afraid the years are catching up to The Mighty Mopar. For instance, the ABS system is dying, and I can't fix it because the parts just don't exist anymore. Not even in the junk yard. My choices are either to rip out the ABS and put in just standard brakes, or find someway to retrofit a newer (more reliable) system from a younger car.

But then I my minds wanders onto the thought that this car, that I'm spending so much trouble keeping in tip-top shape, has no airbags or any safety features aside from the failing anti-lock brakes. Not to mention the fact that the transmission, axles, transfer case, and front suspension are ticking time bombs until something has to be replaced, and all would be horrible jobs to do. Plus newer Cherokees have had significant structural upgrades to improve safety in the event of a side impact or rollover.

Now the next option would be to get a newer car. The nice thing about Jeeps is they depreciate heavily the first 10 years and then creep back up as they become more desirable for 4x4 project cars. So I could get a 2000 Cherokee with airbags for around $4,000 easy, and could probably sell my car for $3,000. Now, even though that sounds like a pretty decent trade-up, I have basically no money. The classic downside of being a college student. Especially a fine arts student.

So then there's another set of possibilities. I could just tear out the sick ABS system, and hope every runs all hunky-dory until I graduate in a little over a year, or I could take out some student loans and get a newer car. The latter being, in my opinion, horribly irresponsible. Yet having a newer car would come with significant benefits.

I am conflicted. My mind is running around in circles. Maybe I should just play the lottery as a 3rd option.

I'm gonna grape you in the mouth!

2009-08-07T06:00:56Z

johnforster @ 2009-07-27T23:54:00

2009-07-28T05:54:48Z

johnforster @ 2009-07-25T14:04:00

2009-07-25T20:05:13Z

Don't forget to send your goddamned qvestions to helmig@weeklygeekshow.com

Makin' Bacon.

2009-07-25T06:40:11Z

Decided to make a one-off composition. And, yes. A comic is on the way.

johnforster @ 2009-07-20T21:08:00

2009-07-21T03:08:37Z

Oh, dear lord.

2009-07-12T07:14:03Z

johnforster @ 2009-07-05T17:08:00

2009-07-06T00:18:59Z

I'm contemplating a mini summer trip. It has occurred to me that for some reason or another, I haven't gotten out enough to enjoy the summer weather.

Granted recently the "summer weather" has been near-apocalyptic and very, very wet. But, whatevs.

Now the real question is where to go. The furthest I'd be willing to travel is Yellowstone. Which is tons of fun, but I was there, like, 4 years ago, and not much has changed. It's a huge tourist destination so it's basically like going to a big city with no buildings and mooses instead of serial rapists. Though chilling out of the black sand beach of Yellowstone lake is nice.

I could also do something within the state of Colorado. There's lots of stuff in the mountains. But nothing is really sticking out in my mind as a really interesting destination. Plus most of the interesting stuff (like Rocky Mountain National Park) is only about an hour away, so it's not really exotic to me.

johnforster @ 2009-06-10T01:19:00

2009-06-10T07:26:47Z

You remember Legend? A little steampunk adventure show starring Richard Dean Anderson and John de Lancie. It premiered back in 1995 when UPN was a bright, shiny new network full of promise. Before it poisoned itself with desperate ratings pandering and zero imagination.

This little gem ran for only 12 episodes, but it made such an impression on me as a kid that I remembered the theme song from when it was canceled to just a few days ago when I downloaded the entire series.

johnforster @ 2009-05-29T20:50:00

2009-05-30T03:32:40Z

I just got back from a week-long vacation to California. The reason for going was a family reunion in Los Angeles, but we (my brother and mother) found time to do some actually fun stuff. I won't bore you with the details, so here's the relevant points:

I found a dollar on the sidewalk in Las Vegas, put it into a slot machine, and won $15.
Stayed at the worst hotel in Canyon Lake. The screen door to the balcony derailed and jammed the door. I lost my temper and threw it off the second story. Much to the chagrin of my family.
I do not particularly enjoy being around my extended family, but there are a few cool people here and there. As well as some dangerous idiots.
Drove down to San Diego to eat at some world-famous restaurant in Mission Bay. Not entirely sure why else we stayed down there, but I didn't complain. Later we drove up to Dana point and hung out on the beach.
I finally went to Disneyland! It was very awesome. I loved the Pirates of the Caribbean, Haunted Mansion, and especially Space Mountain. I hit Space Mountain twice.
Hit Las Vegas again on the way home. No drama to report, though I did get sick after the all you can eat Buffet.

There are two major thoughts that run though my head after this whirl-wind adventure. First of all I was a bit surprised by what Disneyland actually is. The rides (let's face it) suck. There's nothing there you couldn't find at some two-bit amusement park. But it's the ambiance... the production design what's really special. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I think it's wonderful, it's just not what I was expecting.

Second is Southern California. It's a very pretty area, but good lord is it good to get back to Colorado. The sunlight isn't as bright (smog and humidity), you're surrounded by dead vegetation, endless concrete, and you can't get away from humanity. It's like this ceaseless subliminal noise that grates on your mind. I didn't really notice it until it stopped around Western Colorado, when everything was lush and green again.

It'd be nice if you could have Colorado's vast wilderness and discreet urban centers coupled with California's beaches and nice weather. This may be why Oregon is becoming so popular, because I think that's the closest match.